I’m Fine, Thanks

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This morning while I was doing my volunteer work for Meals on Wheels, the manager asked a gentleman how he was doing. His reply was, of course, “I’m good.” A co-worker and I teased him about the flat look he had when he said that. He grinned and said, “We all lie when people ask how we are. None of us says, ‘Oh it hurts here and here.'” I thought, “Boy is that true!”

I live in a three story apartment building that is for 55 years and older. I have many friends and acquaintances here so I’m asked how I’m doing whenever I come out of my apartment. I smile and say, “I’m fine thanks. How are you?” I’m not about to say, “Oh my God! I am having the worst flare of Fibromyalgia and CFS! My throat is so sore and my legs hurt so bad. The muscles in my eyes even hurt.” Yet that is how I really feel today.

People who know me well enough to know I have numerous illnesses, will come up with concerned faces and hushed voices to ask, “How are you doing today?” I can’t even bring myself to say the truth to them. It just seems boring and self-centered. I only have three friends with whom I feel I can be truthful and two of them are also chronically ill.

I think that these days, “How are you doing?” is for the most part meaningless; it is just a long form of, “Hello.” Yet we sometimes do need to talk about how we really are. For me it’s close friends, journaling, blogging and social media that provides a safe, comforting way to share without being seen as whiny or boring.

Deb

PS. Who or what is your way of sharing how you are really feeling? Please leave a comment. Other readers and I would really like to know how you share your pain and illnesses!

 

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peeringthroughthefog

Eleven years ago I was in a car accident in which I suffered a traumatic brain injury. Within three months I was also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. Four years later I was slammed by Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I started this blog in hopes of creating a community of people with chronic pain or disabling medical conditions. My hope is that this community will share ideas and thoughts as we explore our lives and medical conditions.

3 thoughts on “I’m Fine, Thanks”

  1. Deb, I think I can relate to your feelings here! I still struggle with this a lot, but I’m training myself to be honest with a close friend of mine. While I often doubt that she believes my pain and illness, I think it’s important to verbalize how I feel. When I talk about the pain, I’m not suffering in silence anymore, even if the person doesn’t believe me! I think as a society we’re not ok with sharing how we’re really doing with others in general. I have a hunch that if we were honest in answering the “How are you doing?” question, we’d find that we have a bigger support group than we realized. 🙂 I’ve found a lot of support from blogging as well, both writing and reading. There’s just something about finding other people who are experiencing life similar to the way do. It’s comforting and wonderful.
    Thank you for sharing, Deb! Sending extra spoons your way today.

    Like

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