Journaling Your Way

female journaling-865110_1280I’ve never been consistent with journaling. Sometimes I’ve journaled for a couple of years straight; other times I’ve not journaled because I’ve been too busy or my life didn’t seem especially problematic. Lately I’ve seen a couple of journaling ideas that have me determined to start a new, daily writing habit.

Past times. . .

In the past, I journaled during times of particular stress, for example: when my marriage was troubled and when I had a very ill newborn. I continued to journal for a while after the divorce, but life took over and it went by the wayside. When my son, Andrew, was so ill, he and I had been sent over 2,000 miles from home for medical care. I was away from my husband and other three children for five months. While writing certainly helped pass the long hours at the hospital I also wanted to document our time spent apart. I filled two thick journals.

Gratitude 

For several years I’ve read about writing down at least one thing you’re grateful for each night before bed. As I consider myself a thankful person I never felt the need to journal my gratitude. I now wonder why I felt I had too much gratitude to bother. I’ve recently felt that I do need to connect with all that I am blessed with. On my worst days I especially need to write down some of what I am grateful for. Otherwise I would feel hopelessness.

New Ventures

I was recently gifted a free three-month gym membership. I’ll be working with a trainer who has a lot of experience working with people who have Fibromyalgia. Journaling will keep me accountable for going to the gym as well as giving me a way to keep track of my achievements and my difficulties.

I have also reduced the amount of Lyrica I take from three capsules per day(450 mg) to one capsule per day(150 mg). I need to document how the pain and brain injury are affected by this  reduction. Just so you know- today is a toss-up. I feel ever so crappy, but it is cold, rainy and windy. Could be the weather. Could be the reduction in medication.

Stress Journaling

Last week I read an article about “stress journaling.”  The idea is to write down what you are fearful of or what is stressing you out. According to the article, studies have shown that when people write down their fears and/or stressors  the fears don’t look so big and bad.

While I’m excited to start exercising, I am also fearful. Yet when I write down, “I am going to go to the gym to work with a trainer who has lots of experience working with Fibromyalgia” it doesn’t feel so scary.  My mind settles down and I think, “The trainer knows a lot about Fibro, he’s not going to push me too much, he’ll understand when I can’t do something and he’ll understand why I sometimes must stay home.” I’m still a bit nervous, but my mind is no longer a swirl of fretfulness. As the brain injury causes me to have anxiety, this could be a very useful tool for me.

Give It a Try

I do not feel that a journal should be a taskmaster. You can write at the same time each day or you can just jot a few things down when they come to you. You could use it for documenting symptoms, writing down your blessings or saving you sanity. Whatever you want. Don’t feel you have to go out and buy a fancy journal either. I have journaled on notebook paper and spiral binders as much as in books designated as “journals.” I’ve even made my own books(fun!). For that matter, you can journal on your computer.

I’ve decided to use one book to keep track of everything-my health, exercise, gratitude, etc. I’m not sure which type of book I’ll get, but I hear there are some cool new journals that include pictures to color. Sounds good to me! (Refer to Have You Discovered. . ?)

Deb

 

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So Far. . .

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This quote is from actor/director Leah Remini.

I love this quote! It is so encouraging. It allows us to turn our truth around and look at it from a new direction.

I Just Wasn’t Thinking. . .

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As I’ve shared, the last two weeks have been pretty rough for me. Last week the Chronic Fatigue(CFS) flare was subsiding, but the Fibromyalgia (Fibro) flare was still going strong.

This Fibro flare was really scaring me. It was almost as bad as when I first came down with CFS. Back then, I spent a year and a half  in bed.  Last week I could hardly get myself out of bed some days; one day I couldn’t get up until 1:30 in the afternoon. A friend patted my back and about sent me through the roof!

Wednesday I saw my doctor for a regular check-up. She was puzzled as to why I felt so bad, asking, “What caused this to happen?” I was so surprised that she didn’t know that Fibro does what it wants. Of course we can overdo it or be experiencing a lot of stress and get a flare. But, just as likely we get a flare for no fathomable reason.

Once my doctor got past the ‘what caused this’ part, she started to work on what would help me feel better. As we were talking she asked if I thought my muscle relaxant was working. I had wondered that myself as I’ve been on it for 12 years. We decided to change to a new med. Over the weekend I noticed I was having less pain and muscle spasms. I feel the new muscle relaxant is really helping.

I take a lot of meds. I’m always so careful to know what medications I take and what each of them is for. Yet, I haven’t been very good about evaluating whether or not they are each doing their jobs. At this doctor’s visit I needed an increase in one med and a complete change of another. I knew the meds weren’t working (very swollen hands and feet AND muscle spasms galore!) and yet I didn’t call and talk to my doctor. I just blamed it on the Fibromyalgia and CFS.

I made a mistake that is fairly easy to make. It’s a mistake that I think anyone with chronic illness and/or pain could make.  We need to evaluate the medications we take. We must think about whether they are working well or even working at all. Then, we need to discuss with our doctors what other medications might better control our symptoms. It’s an important aspect of self-care.

I’m Not Feeling Very Well

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The other day a neighbor said to me, “I haven’t seen you for a while.” (translated for your convenience: “You didn’t go to our coloring get-together this week”) I told her that I haven’t been feeling very well. Her reply was, “Well don’t forget we’re meeting on Sunday afternoons too.”

Now it’s Sunday afternoon at 3 pm. I live right next to the lobby where we have a large table and chairs as well as big, comfy armchairs so we can meet to chat or to have parties or have, for example, coloring group.  I can hear everyone talking and laughing while they’re coloring. I’m at home feeling teary.

There are a couple of reasons I’m feeling so teary: I am in so much pain I can barely stand it and because my neighbor did not appear to understand why I couldn’t go today.

Yes! I am having a bit of a pity party! I haven’t had a flare this bad for several years. I’m used to having pain every day of my life, but today I couldn’t even get myself out of bed until 1:30 pm. I’m hunched over, stiff and heaven help me if I sneeze or yawn. I feel like a big lump of whiny!

The second reason I’m upset (and the point of this post) is that my neighbor seemed to not understand that I’m REALLY not feeling well. She has chronic Epstein-Barr virus and she and I have talked several times about flares, pain and terrible, terrible fatigue.

Was it my fault she didn’t understand? I did say, “I’m not feeling very well.” when maybe I should have been more forthright, “I’m having a terrible flare and I feel like crap. I hardly had the energy to get my clothes on today.”

It’s interesting that this topic should bite me in the butt considering what I wrote about in my last post (I’m Fine, Thanks.) For sure I don’t want the entire building to know that I’m hunch backed, barely able to walk and scared to death to get into the shower until my caregiver is here tomorrow. However, I realized today that I need to trust some of my friends and neighbors more. Fibro, CFS, and traumatic brain injury are a fact of my life and a part of who I am. When necessary, I have to be truthful about why I can’t leave my apartment.

Almost immediately after I posted “I’m Fine, Thanks” I got the most wonderful comment Two Thoughts on “I’m Fine, Thanks.”  It was written by the blogger of  Outbursts of a Spoonie. She is right on point. Now I’ve just got to work on being as  brave and truthful as she’s trying to be. We all are certainly works in progress, aren’t we?!

Deb

PS: How do you handle telling others how you feel? Is it something you also struggle with? Share your thoughts with us. We’d love to hear from you!