I’m Feeling Optimistic!

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I started going to the gym this week. Aside from it being a strange, new world to me, I did way better than I thought I could. Some exercises were so-o-o-o-o difficult! I am quite sore! But, I feel more alive than I’ve felt since the car accident in September of 2004! ( I know. I’m overdoing the exclamation points!)

Nobody’s There to Judge

While waiting to see my trainer, Luke the first time I went, all I could see were people and their water bottles in constant motion. If they weren’t running, biking or on the elliptical, they were working on a machine or moving to another machine. It all seemed so orderly and everyone seemed so adept at whatever exercise they were doing. It was only when Luke started me working on the machines that I was close enough to see the grimaces on many people’s faces and see men and women with sweat pouring off them. At that point, all my inhibitions disappeared. I realized that nobody cared about my somewhat lumpy, overweight self. They were all there to work on themselves.

I May be Slow, But I’ll Get There

Tuesday I rode the bike for one mile and I got through all of the upper body exercises Luke showed me. Friday, I rode the bike for two miles and did the upper body workout I learned on Tuesday. I then met with Luke to learn the leg, hip and tummy exercises. Those were tough, but I got through them all. Afterwards, Luke went over my workout plan with me and talked about how I needed to get my heart rate up to the appropriate level while training on the bike. I must keep my heart rate up for 30 minutes. I’ll get there.

So Sore

Luke has experience working with clients who have Fibromyalgia. He is not pushing me hard, but is teaching me to push myself. Wednesday my arms and back were really sore. I didn’t baby those muscles, just tried to use them normally. Thursday I was barely sore and realized I only was sore from my workout and not in much pain from fibro. Today I am quite sore from the lower body exercise I did yesterday. I am trying use those muscles normally (sitting down and getting up are especially difficult) and again I only have muscle soreness rather than fibro pain.

What’s my Motivation?

Luke asked me how motivated I am to getting in shape and why I am at that point now. Truthfully, I’ve been doing a great deal of reading and thinking the last two months. I’ve been able to rid myself of some old emotional baggage I’ve been carrying around. Once that was gone I was left with one emotional issue; I’ve become angry and resentful of how Fibro, CFS and the brain injury have limited my life. I hate taking all the medications I take, along with all the side effects I have to deal with. I cannot stand the food I have to eat since I was diagnosed with Gastroparesis. It’s basically the opposite of a healthy diet. So I decided to test the waters. I want to see what I can do to feel more control over my body.

This is Happening at the Right Time for Me

I kept this decision to myself; I didn’t even tell my closest friends. Seemingly out of nowhere, a friend offered me a free three month membership at her gym. Then I ran low on Lyrica and instead of three per day, I only had enough to take one a day for about five days. I did so well on the one capsule that I called my doctor who gave me permission to stay on the lower dose. I began adding more nutritious foods back into my diet and that’s going well. When I got to the gym and was weighed, I had already lost nine pounds since my doctor’s appointment three weeks before. Everything is coming together marvelously.

I’m Suffering from Complacency

I know many people wouldn’t be able to do what I’m doing now. I don’t believe that everyone with chronic illness should jump up and try to fight against their illness. That would be silly of me. What I do believe is that over the 12  years since the accident I have become complacent, feeling I had no control over what was happening to my body. Lyrica has helped tremendously with fibro and nerve pain, but the price is a 30 pound weight gain. I’ve accepted having to take meds to fight the side effects I get from other meds. I accepted the fact that if I squat down to pick something up I can’t get up and will have to crawl to a piece of furniture and drag myself back up. I want to shake off that complacency and see what I can do.

Alive and Awake

Having sore muscles has made me feel alive and awake in a way I haven’t felt for many years. Working to rid myself from emotional garbage that was decades-old freed me to take as much control as I can over my life and body. I’m stretching emotionally and physically and finding my boundaries for myself. I’m also journaling about this new adventure. It’s a great feeling!

Deb

 

 

Journaling Your Way

female journaling-865110_1280I’ve never been consistent with journaling. Sometimes I’ve journaled for a couple of years straight; other times I’ve not journaled because I’ve been too busy or my life didn’t seem especially problematic. Lately I’ve seen a couple of journaling ideas that have me determined to start a new, daily writing habit.

Past times. . .

In the past, I journaled during times of particular stress, for example: when my marriage was troubled and when I had a very ill newborn. I continued to journal for a while after the divorce, but life took over and it went by the wayside. When my son, Andrew, was so ill, he and I had been sent over 2,000 miles from home for medical care. I was away from my husband and other three children for five months. While writing certainly helped pass the long hours at the hospital I also wanted to document our time spent apart. I filled two thick journals.

Gratitude 

For several years I’ve read about writing down at least one thing you’re grateful for each night before bed. As I consider myself a thankful person I never felt the need to journal my gratitude. I now wonder why I felt I had too much gratitude to bother. I’ve recently felt that I do need to connect with all that I am blessed with. On my worst days I especially need to write down some of what I am grateful for. Otherwise I would feel hopelessness.

New Ventures

I was recently gifted a free three-month gym membership. I’ll be working with a trainer who has a lot of experience working with people who have Fibromyalgia. Journaling will keep me accountable for going to the gym as well as giving me a way to keep track of my achievements and my difficulties.

I have also reduced the amount of Lyrica I take from three capsules per day(450 mg) to one capsule per day(150 mg). I need to document how the pain and brain injury are affected by this  reduction. Just so you know- today is a toss-up. I feel ever so crappy, but it is cold, rainy and windy. Could be the weather. Could be the reduction in medication.

Stress Journaling

Last week I read an article about “stress journaling.”  The idea is to write down what you are fearful of or what is stressing you out. According to the article, studies have shown that when people write down their fears and/or stressors  the fears don’t look so big and bad.

While I’m excited to start exercising, I am also fearful. Yet when I write down, “I am going to go to the gym to work with a trainer who has lots of experience working with Fibromyalgia” it doesn’t feel so scary.  My mind settles down and I think, “The trainer knows a lot about Fibro, he’s not going to push me too much, he’ll understand when I can’t do something and he’ll understand why I sometimes must stay home.” I’m still a bit nervous, but my mind is no longer a swirl of fretfulness. As the brain injury causes me to have anxiety, this could be a very useful tool for me.

Give It a Try

I do not feel that a journal should be a taskmaster. You can write at the same time each day or you can just jot a few things down when they come to you. You could use it for documenting symptoms, writing down your blessings or saving you sanity. Whatever you want. Don’t feel you have to go out and buy a fancy journal either. I have journaled on notebook paper and spiral binders as much as in books designated as “journals.” I’ve even made my own books(fun!). For that matter, you can journal on your computer.

I’ve decided to use one book to keep track of everything-my health, exercise, gratitude, etc. I’m not sure which type of book I’ll get, but I hear there are some cool new journals that include pictures to color. Sounds good to me! (Refer to Have You Discovered. . ?)

Deb

 

So Far. . .

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This quote is from actor/director Leah Remini.

I love this quote! It is so encouraging. It allows us to turn our truth around and look at it from a new direction.

Excuses, Excuses

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After a month of being MIA, I’m back! I’m sorry to have abandoned you all, but I have some good excuses!

First, I started to do some research on how to improve Peering Through the Fog. I was just starting to read and study this research when my cat, Gracie, became very ill.She was vomiting A LOT and I went around behind her cleaning up vomit A LOT.

I took Gracie to the vet and he thought she had kidney disease, especially since she is 15 years old. He put her on Pepcid(Yes, people Pepcid!) and did some lab work. She absolutely got better on the Pepcid and her lab-work came back really good. I have been so relieved that Gracie is well and equally relieved not to be stooped over cleaning up barf anymore!

Meanwhile all the bending and scrubbing and worrying caused both fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue to flare something fierce. I’ve had crippling pain; it even hurts to move my eyes.Sometimes I just want to sit and cry.

However, I’ve still tried to occupy my mind as that is the only way I get a little relief from the pain and fatigue. I’ve been coloring, went back to reading and studying my blog research and even took  an online class.

As you can see, I’ve also updated Peering Through the Fog with a new design that I know will allow you to move around the site and easily find what you’re looking for. I will soon be on Pinterest so will be letting you know when that is up and running.

Even in the midst of one of my worst flares, I’m so excited to be stretching my mind and starting new ventures. I wish you all a little excitement in your lives; excitement somehow keeps me in charge of my life and wins a couple of battles in the war against chronic illness and pain.

Deb

I’ve Got to Master my Camera

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I’ve got a new-to-me (used) camera I’ve got to start using. A couple of my friends have seen it and tell me it’s a great camera and I should just start “playing” with it.

I’m so glad my friend gave me the camera, yet I’m kind of scared of it. There are so many settings you can mess with! The almost constant brain fog I have makes it hard to remember those kinds of things. I also need to see if this camera will work for me as it needs a $50.00 sd card.

I would love to show you some of my jewelry projects as well as adding something nice for you to look at before you read each post. Beware! I also want to share some photos of my cats!

There was a time when I was a whiz with a 35 mm SLR. I loved photography! Now photography may be something that  has also gone by the wayside since the accident that tumbled my brain around inside of my skull.

But, I’m stubborn. I’ll try my darnedest to make that camera work for me! And someday, you’ll find yourself peering through the fog at a picture of all three of my cats!

Deb