Choice Words

deckchairs-355596_1280On the last page of InStyle magazine, there is a brief article called, “I am That Girl.” Each month a different female celebrity is interviewed. In the August 2016 InStyle, the actor, Tracee Ellis Ross was interviewed. Tracee is an “outspoken” feminist, according to the article, but I found such a connection to the words she spoke that I had to share.

When asked, “What do you do when you lose hope?” (about the lack of progress of feminism) she replied, “I ask myself, ‘How do I take my frustration and translate it into something that actually helps the situation?'” Wow! Why can’t those words be used for any situation that causes frustration? Like chronic pain or illness? For example, when I get frustrated I could share with my blog readers or I could journal or talk to an empathetic friend. When I was a kid, my mother would tell my sisters and I to “go suffer in silence” when we weren’t feeling well. But by sharing my pain, discomfort or frustration with others I am able to let others know that they are not alone in their suffering and reminds me that I have wonderful readers who understand what I’m feeling.

The interviewer asked Tracee “What do you wish you knew when you were younger?” She answered, “That I was enough. . .I used to think there is a right way to look, there is a right person to become-then I got stuck.” How many of us face feelings of being “stuck?” Life didn’t turn out the way we thought it would. It’s easy to see ourselves as less than whole because of our physical limitations. Yet each of us is enough; we are whole individuals with likes, dislikes, intelligence, beliefs and ideas. Neither pain nor illness defines who we are.

Then there was the question, “How do you deal when you don’t feel 100 percent? Tracee answered, “I accept it. Acceptance does not mean you like it. It means that you agree this is what it is. Once you have that, you can step forward.” This response was related to not feeling like she is “enough,” but it is also a great response to not feeling physically well.  We can take a moment to accept that we are having a bad day, week or month and even accept our feelings about how bad our pain and/or illness is. Then we can move forward. As I am reducing the Lyrica (see Still here. . .), I’ve had quite a few rough days and I’ve been practicing acceptance to get through those days. I first acknowledge that I feel remarkably awful, accept that I won’t be able to workout that day, then move forward towards what I can do. Maybe a little yoga? Maybe making a piece of jewelry? Maybe just some coloring. . .

That’s all for today! I just had to share my thoughts on this article. All the best to each and every one of you.

Deb

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I’m Feeling Optimistic!

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I started going to the gym this week. Aside from it being a strange, new world to me, I did way better than I thought I could. Some exercises were so-o-o-o-o difficult! I am quite sore! But, I feel more alive than I’ve felt since the car accident in September of 2004! ( I know. I’m overdoing the exclamation points!)

Nobody’s There to Judge

While waiting to see my trainer, Luke the first time I went, all I could see were people and their water bottles in constant motion. If they weren’t running, biking or on the elliptical, they were working on a machine or moving to another machine. It all seemed so orderly and everyone seemed so adept at whatever exercise they were doing. It was only when Luke started me working on the machines that I was close enough to see the grimaces on many people’s faces and see men and women with sweat pouring off them. At that point, all my inhibitions disappeared. I realized that nobody cared about my somewhat lumpy, overweight self. They were all there to work on themselves.

I May be Slow, But I’ll Get There

Tuesday I rode the bike for one mile and I got through all of the upper body exercises Luke showed me. Friday, I rode the bike for two miles and did the upper body workout I learned on Tuesday. I then met with Luke to learn the leg, hip and tummy exercises. Those were tough, but I got through them all. Afterwards, Luke went over my workout plan with me and talked about how I needed to get my heart rate up to the appropriate level while training on the bike. I must keep my heart rate up for 30 minutes. I’ll get there.

So Sore

Luke has experience working with clients who have Fibromyalgia. He is not pushing me hard, but is teaching me to push myself. Wednesday my arms and back were really sore. I didn’t baby those muscles, just tried to use them normally. Thursday I was barely sore and realized I only was sore from my workout and not in much pain from fibro. Today I am quite sore from the lower body exercise I did yesterday. I am trying use those muscles normally (sitting down and getting up are especially difficult) and again I only have muscle soreness rather than fibro pain.

What’s my Motivation?

Luke asked me how motivated I am to getting in shape and why I am at that point now. Truthfully, I’ve been doing a great deal of reading and thinking the last two months. I’ve been able to rid myself of some old emotional baggage I’ve been carrying around. Once that was gone I was left with one emotional issue; I’ve become angry and resentful of how Fibro, CFS and the brain injury have limited my life. I hate taking all the medications I take, along with all the side effects I have to deal with. I cannot stand the food I have to eat since I was diagnosed with Gastroparesis. It’s basically the opposite of a healthy diet. So I decided to test the waters. I want to see what I can do to feel more control over my body.

This is Happening at the Right Time for Me

I kept this decision to myself; I didn’t even tell my closest friends. Seemingly out of nowhere, a friend offered me a free three month membership at her gym. Then I ran low on Lyrica and instead of three per day, I only had enough to take one a day for about five days. I did so well on the one capsule that I called my doctor who gave me permission to stay on the lower dose. I began adding more nutritious foods back into my diet and that’s going well. When I got to the gym and was weighed, I had already lost nine pounds since my doctor’s appointment three weeks before. Everything is coming together marvelously.

I’m Suffering from Complacency

I know many people wouldn’t be able to do what I’m doing now. I don’t believe that everyone with chronic illness should jump up and try to fight against their illness. That would be silly of me. What I do believe is that over the 12  years since the accident I have become complacent, feeling I had no control over what was happening to my body. Lyrica has helped tremendously with fibro and nerve pain, but the price is a 30 pound weight gain. I’ve accepted having to take meds to fight the side effects I get from other meds. I accepted the fact that if I squat down to pick something up I can’t get up and will have to crawl to a piece of furniture and drag myself back up. I want to shake off that complacency and see what I can do.

Alive and Awake

Having sore muscles has made me feel alive and awake in a way I haven’t felt for many years. Working to rid myself from emotional garbage that was decades-old freed me to take as much control as I can over my life and body. I’m stretching emotionally and physically and finding my boundaries for myself. I’m also journaling about this new adventure. It’s a great feeling!

Deb